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Who's the Toughest Action Star of All Time?
by Alissa Zucker
A while back, I got to wondering who the toughest action hero of all time is. Not the actor playing the action hero, but the action hero themselves. In other words, I wanted to know what John McClane from the Die Hard series would do if he ended up in a fight with Dirty Harry. I wanted to know how Mad Max would fare in a fight against Han Solo. And so, I decided to create some fictional battles, and try and figure out the answer to this burning question!
The Rogues!
The Cops!
The Soldiers!
The Spies!
Finally, we have an answer...I present, the toughest action hero of all time....
1. The Contestants
The Spies: Jason Bourne beat both James Bond and Mission: Impossible Ethan Hunt, for the simple reason that he has some sort of superhuman enhancement. Is it cheating? Sure. But in the films, that's the character, so in our fictional match-up, he gets to be who he is in the films.
The Soldiers: This was a weak field and John Rambo easily dominated.
The Rogues: Han Solo and Indiana Jones were worthy opponents, but ultimately, Mad Max had been so hardened by the wasteland, that it was decided he'd be able to endure inhuman amounts of pain and suffering in order to win.
The Cops: There were a lot of tough cops in this list, including Dirty Harry and Mel Gibson's suicidal Lethal Weapon - but ultimately, victory went to the cop that just can't die: John MccLane.
2. Round 1: Mad Max vs. Rambo
Mad Max won his round for being able to endure a level of pain and suffering that his opponents simply weren't able to handle. But with Rambo, Max might have finally met his match. Rambo also can endure an insane amount of pain and suffering - as made evident by his kidnap and torture in Vietnam. Both are mono-syllabic grunting loners.
But ultimately, victory would go to Rambo in this match. Max was just a cop in his prior life, before the world was destroyed and he wandered the wasteland. And while Max can fight and endure exceptional amounts of pain, Rambo has both of those qualities while also being a trained Green Beret and weapons expert. With all other things being equal, Rambo's military experience and training would give him the edge to beat Max into oblivion.
Winner: John Rambo
3. Round 2: Rambo vs. John McClane
This one is easy...Rambo, hands down. McClane is tough and sure he can take on terrorists single-handedly, but like Rambo vs. Mad Max, Rambo too is hard to kill and has taken on entire enemy armies by himself (see Rambo sequels parts 2, 3, and 4). Without any specialised training, McClane would find that he's not fighting some two-bit terrorist thug, but a super Special Forces soldier.
Winner: John Rambo
4. Round 3: Rambo vs. Jason Bourne
This, my friends, is the fight of the century. Both are super-soldiers with extensive military training in both weapons and martial arts. Both are tough beyond measure. But the major difference is that Bourne has had special "enhancements'' that allow him to move lightning quick. Still, would those enhancements be enough to take on Rambo? To be honest, this last bout was the hardest for me to figure out and I couldn't decide, so I had to turn to their respective films to see how they fare on-screen.
And on-screen, Rambo takes on entire enemy armies, while Bourne takes on a handful of bad guys at any moment and seems sort of at his limit. Of course, this is sort of letting Rambo win by way of simply existing in the more over-the-top absurd action franchise, whereas Bourne's films are "a bit" more rooted in reality. But hey, that's not my fault and the movies never lie.
If these two characters were in a different contest, say one where they had to disappear from society, or somehow gain access to secret codes before the other, then Bourne would win hands down; he's as smart as he is tough, whereas Rambo is just a blunt force instrument. But smarts is not the competition here, just who would win in a one on one fight. And so the winner is...
5. Winner: John Rambo
...John Rambo!
A Special Forces Green Beret, a trained expert in surviving off the land, weapons, and martial arts, his skill sets are augmented by a toughness from having endured a brutal captivity by the Vietcong.
But we know for sure he's the winner because he's pretty much the only hero - out of any hero type - that can take on, say, all of the Soviet military in Afghanistan by himself and win.
Your curiosity regarding the toughest action hero of all time abated, you can now return to your life, comfortable in the knowledge that Rambo is the toughest action hero of all time.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Alissa Zucker is a paper writer at the essay writing service Mcessay. She is interested in reading classic and psychological books which give her inspiration to write her own articles and short stories.
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