Images courtesy of Universal Pictures
YOU, ME & TUSCANY— 3 STARS
Directed by Marry Me’s Kat Coiro, You, Me & Tuscany is an unashamedly female-gaze romantic comedy, and there is nothing wrong with that. Borrowing all the necessary tropes of the genre, it knows exactly what its audience wants to see in this day and age. All it takes is one glimpse at the attractively appetizing Regé-Jean Page, whether you catch him on the poster or wait until his introduction in the movie, and everything about the gaze, all of a sudden, makes obvious sense.
LESSON #1: MAKING A MOVIE AROUND ONE PERSON’S HOTNESS— You, Me, & Tuscany is an exercise in making a movie almost solely based on one star’s hotness. Plenty of pretty faces and hot bods come and go in Hollywood. Still, Regé-Jean Page’s combination of dashing traits—from his soothing voice to his athletic build—put him at a unicorn level, where not many of his type exist who can also legitimately act. No matter the serendipitous and stereotypical pitfalls injected into the plot, once you put a unicorn like him in play, the overall path is simple. The girl must get the boy.
Let’s meet the girl. In New York City, The Little Mermaid’s Halle Bailey plays Brianna, a twentysomething wannabe chef who quit culinary school two months short of graduation to care for her terminally ill and now-deceased mother (quick cameo of Joy Bryant). To make ends meet and play dress-up with the kind of life she’s always dreamed of, Anna has been taking gigs as a housesitter for the rich Central Park crowd. Her unsustainable ways and rudderless plans have her behind on rent and gleaning off her hotel worker best friend Claire (Aziza Scott of One of Them Days), a very pregnant and crass voice of reason, trying her damndest to jumpstart Anna to focus on her lost passion for cooking.
LESSON #2: LIVE YOUR OWN LIFE AND NOT SOMEONE ELSE’S— That urgent plea starts what will become You, Me & Tuscany’s broken record loop of Hallmark-grade life advice. By dipping her toes into other people’s finer things as essentially a paid squatter, Anna is living a fake dream and ignoring the opportunity and her talent to seize her own. Her tendency to deflect the truth for these borrowed comforts gets her into the pickle of the movie when a “Meet Cute” hotel bar encounter with Italian real estate man Matteo (Another Simple Favor’s Lorenzo de Moor) inspires her enough to head to his native Tuscany on a whim and inadvertently pretend to be his new American fiancée.
In Tuscany, introduced in a montage of pristine establishing shots set to Olivia Dean’s “So Easy (To Fall in Love),” Anna learns that Matteo has been gone from home for over a year after not wanting to continue the family’s restaurant business in the fictional village of San Connessa (played predominantly by Pienza and locations on the Almafi Coast). The arrival of a surprise fiancée is taken as hopeful news by his eager (Isabella Ferrari), taciturn father (Paolo Sassanelli), and extended family, that the prodigal son will return in time for the annual Summer Festival.
Enter Regé-Jean Page as Michael, the unofficial brother of the family, a Londoner who was raised in Tuscany and took over his parents’ vineyard when they passed away. Even though he’s given a “Meet Hate” arrival against Anna in You, Me & Tuscany, it’s only a matter of time before his radiant charisma and decadent hospitality capture the heart and weaken the knees of our American runaway.
LESSON #3: PORTRAYING CONVINCING AND AVAILABLE HOTNESS— Now, good looks can market a movie, as mentioned earlier, but the labor of Hercules for Rege-Jean Page in You, Me & Tuscany is to portray anything of depth beyond the pretty book cover. That requires the former Bridgerton stud to show his range for romantic chemistry and have the proper material to bring that appeal and emotional availability out. By the time the film reaches the 50-minute mark and he’s serenading Mario’s Millennial hookup anthem “Let Me Love You,” the swoon is on. It doesn’t take long after for Michael’s day-drinking with Anna to lead to unusually erotic talk about wine soil and a convenient irrigation sprinkler scene that requires Page to get his 8-pack out of his dripping wet shirt for the gathered and equally soaked observers.
Kat Coiro and the original story, penned by Ryan Engle (Rampage, Beast) and Kristin Engle, know what they’re going for with this hot-and-bothered energy for the date night crowd. Coupled with the stunning locations and Nancy Meyers-level of interior designs, they are squeezing magic everywhere they can, as evidenced by the Simply Irresistible-esque waterfall chime sound effect that frequently introduces majestic-looking food about to be chopped up, prepared, plated, and devoured. Viewers will be filling travel agents’ inboxes in no time.
LESSON #3: THE FAMILIAR PATH OF A ROMANTIC COMEDY— The prerequisite path of the rom-com demands that this movie’s Big Lie, held by our dramatic irony and a sliding scale of cheesiness, is not evil or permanently problematic if it leads to the perceived right ending. Truth is secondary, and aficionados of the genre are quite familiar with how You, Me, & Tuscany will play out from the precarious pendulum between parental approval and disappointment to the tumultuous late exposure of wrongs and tornado of last-minute apologies to put everyone back together.
If you’re looking for anything deeper or more progressive with your romantic comedies, you’re coming to the wrong movie. It takes a hapless local driver-for-hire, played by the adorable Marco Calvani of High Tide, to ask any minutely existential question to Anna. Lorenzo—driving his tiny car, nicknamed Coochie, as a moving confessional booth—will be, for many, their cheerleading delegate for the movie. Similar to Claire back home, he knows the right answers for the given predicament, but constantly roots for whatever chaos would be more romantic. When he says “he’s invested now,” so are we, even if the amorous appeal of You, Me & Tuscany is plenty forced and cheap underneath the foreign decadence. Again, one look at the prize of Regé-Jean Page, and we allow it because it’s a proper rom-com.
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